i guess now i can look back on the year and what ive learned.
its been hard.
trying to find yourself and understand why things happen the way they do.
trying to understand why he doesnt love you when all you wanted was to love him and be what he wanted.
trying to keep it together so people dont know you're struggling.
thats hard.
ive always struggled with insecurity issues. ive always been looked at differently. im trying my best to look at the good from 2016 and life but im crying as i type this. im tired of trying so hard for people who dont appreciate me. im tired of going out of my way to make others happy when all they do is drag me and my heart through the mud. every time i believe in someone to do me right they always let me down. i always see the good in people and i just want someone to accept me and my flaws for once. im tired of not being good enough, always being compared to other girls.
usually i just shrug my shoulders and walk away, "oh well." but its been building and now its all hitting me. i cry at the drop of a hat because i am so tired of always being the one hurt in the end. im tired of the one to have to pick up the pieces. but does that mean im going to be bitter and go out and hurt someone else because someone hurt me? nope. im trying my hardest to be strong and move through everything but its not easy. especially people turn out to be just like everyone else, they turn out to be everything they said they weren't. i guess i was a fool to think someone has the same heart as me. i dont want to bottle up my feelings anymore. sometimes i think its easier to not have feelings, but thats just not me.. i wear my heart on my sleeve, i accept everyone for who they are, flaws and all.
afterall, your flaws are what make you different. every rose has its thorn. everyone has things they struggle with. im just waiting for someone who will love me and my flaws.
